I Said, Hey

I worry sometimes, I worry all the time. When anyone mentions death and dying or injury or sickness I get so scared. This year has been hard enough. So many people have died this year, it freaking me out. I just dont know what I would do, or how I would go on if the person I love died or got hurt. And its not gonna happen. But Iraq is a dangerous place, and everyday I dont hear from him I wonder if the last time we talked was really the last time. And I wonder, yesterday when I missed your call, was that your last chance to tell me you love me...and I missed it? I cant help it. Im so scared. And I dont want Dylan to know how scared I am. I wonder how his family is doing. Joyce died in Buffy season 5. sorta set me over the edge. Please, let him be allright.

So I cant post on my blog from this computer since google is constantly insisting that I dont have a gmail account when I do...so instead of dealing with that I'll just write a quick update on the lj. I fly back tomorrow. I've had a wonderful time here really...lots of laying around and watching Angel/ Supernatural/ Star Trek while eating chocolate. MMMM. I have a great guy in my life, seriously. Anyway, I'm a bit concerned cause everytime I come to see him I have to lie about it to most of my friends cause I dont want their input about my relationship...you guys all know this. That means for weeks afterwards I feel awkward and have to lie about what I've been doing for the past 10 days. Oh bother. Knowing my luck one of those people will read this and get hella pissed at me for a) lying to them and b) coming to see Dylan in the first place. He deploys on Thursday which is scary as hell and hes going to end up in south Baghdad building his own damn barracks with the rest of his troop because the Army is one gigantic Asshole/ Cock. Which means, he prolly wont be able to play wow with me or even call me...let alone sleep in a bed or take a shower. God damn the military. I'm so worried about him and his friends. Anyway, I get to be all emo about that for the next week or so but that wont stop me from having fun...hopefully. Call me or something. I have a lot to catch up on but Ill be around. LOVE LOVE.

So, obviously I don't post in this thing anymore, just use it for the communities and such. I'd like to point some quick things out to those of you still reading my journal. I was NEVER in love with Cory, in fact, I'm quite over that and have been for about 11 months. HA! I'm retarded to use that word so lightly and don't do it anymore. Also, I have a blog so for those of you who want to know about my life its www.41shiteruze.blogspot.com. That has a much more updated analysis of my life and thoughts. Good. Love. Also my phone number is 303-579-4387 and I'm moving to Japan in January so call me soon.

Hey all, It's me again. I'm in Canada now and unfortunately I really didn't get to see a lot of you over the break like I anticipated. I'm finally getting some time to catch up on my r and r and its feel wonderful. It also leaves me copious amounts of time to think which is a dangerous past time, I know. I saw beauty and beast (the play version) the other day and it was awesome, I've been thinking about it so the line came up...Things are well in my mind but I do miss people and I'm trying to figure out how to rearrange my life in a fashion where I can get all my shit done, still have money, and time for friends. I haven't seen a lot of the people that I consider some of my best friends and I dont think I will because they all will be back to college by the time I get home. Bah. Why must everyone come home all at once?! That is the way of things I guess. Im off to college soon myself and Im just waiting for my acceptance/rejection letters from some of the American colleges and I'm applying to the canadians ones over my break. I seem to always been at work, wether I am or not, I'm always there and by the end of the week I've gotten nothing done but organizing books and posters at my job. I'm so behind on comics, video games and movies but I'm finally catching up on my tv. THANK YOU NETFLIX! Other than that everything seems very hard because I'm always so exhausted. Maybe after this break I'll be able to do more since I hadn't really gotten a break since June when I came back from Japan and Japan was no tea party either, I was going to school all week then too. Its weird how quickly life passes by and then all of sudden you're behind on everything important. Im gonna read while I'm here, a real book too, I haven't had time for those since I got addicted to the ones with pictures...and hopefully feel all rested and ready for anoher 8 months of no break. Apparently in Europe they get five weeks of vacation for any given job...in America its hardly one if you work for shit and if you're on salary you seem to get even less time off.


I think I'm going to UofT in Toronto with Ko. I'm not positive yet and I still have to get in but it seems like the best option. The only problem is everything is quite expensive and I cant work cause I'm not a resident. At least I cant work off campus so the options are severely limited. But that's really not that bad I might not have time for a job anyway.

In my future I see...chaos and craziness...and insane amount of work and poverty, oh goody. At least I'll be back in school which is what I'm looking forward to most. I hate not using my brain, it almost hurts.

Anyway, keep up the good work my college brethren and I hope everyone had an awesome new years party and got totally sloshed! I love you all, take care- June

hello again kids, updates from me are few and far between but Ive decided that its about time for another round. I have my drivers license, Im doing well in school and Im working on applying to colleges. A lot of people moved away to go to college which is depressing...I guess things are okay in my life I guess. still dealing with the same drama that I usually have to deal, but im really going to try not to hang out with those kids for a while. I have a bunch of work to be doing anyway so what's the point. I can just read comics and do my homework for a few days instead of hanging out and getting drunk all the time. My hair is blue and black these days which I think looks really good and its finally starting to get long enough to do stuff with again. I am still single and am making no progress on that front...not like I have time for a stupid boy anyway, but still it'd be nice to have the affections of the boy I fancy..ah well such is life. Still havent beaten KH2 but thats ok I havent had too much time to just do that. I thought I was going to Seattle to see Jackie, whom I met in Japan...but monetarily its just MURI. At any rate. I just wanted to say hi and that I'm alive and that I am now mobile and hanging out is much easier hence forth. call me....

Well I was kidding about things being ok. So this september 28th topped the shittiness of last year's shittiness. Cory has to go back to jail and I can't hang out with him tonight because he has to see Jessie because she got kicked out of her house because basically her dad helped the cops find cory and nail timmy with some shit. So she yelled at him and he kicked her out. And I'm really worried that I'm not really ever going to get to see Cory ever again. And that's real fun. Just when I was starting to think that my life might just take a turn for the better, and I could get through all of my bullshit and yadda yadda something like this happens. Because I fucking can't live a life without drama and pain. And I dont think I did well on my math test. What's more, its Kira's birthday and she can't have fun now because of this which sucks and John is coming in a few minutes from texas to see us and we have to deal with this shit. I hope to god I just die and dont have to survive everyday scared as to what I'm going to lose next. I think that by the time that Cory is out of jail he will prolly have gotten over me and my situation or I will already be living in a different state. I dont know if I can even go one month without seeing him and I might be facing a year. And as much as that sucks for me Cory is the one in prison and everyone else has to deal with not seeing him too. So I'm not gonna complain about my situation anymore. I just want everyone to know what's up in my life and why I might be ditching you all until monday. I need to see this boy before he leaves my life, again. I think I'm in love with him. I hope he loves me too.

love, June

Hey cats, I'm back and things are chillin...although today is gonna be a fairly grueling day. Dylan's in town. YAY DYLAN! stuff is great with me and people in large part and I seem to be on top of everything in my life right now except my comics (boo). But I doubt that will happen again. ever. period. work then calc test today, woo hoo. I just hope I can drunk afterwards or something. anyway, just saying hi. peace out.

Goodmorning...I have to go to work in about ten minutes and I thought I would update my LJ. Stuff kinda sucks right now actually. Im sick and cant seem to get bettter or shake the cough, I am still working all the time. I just started Calculus and I missed it due to my sickness on the second day. I never have enough time for myself to do what I want to do and its just bullshit that I get yelled at all the time for trying to get my priorities in line. I go to work and get yelled at for hanging out with friends, smoking and not being healthy. I go home and get yelled at for still being sick, not having enough time during the day to see my parents, and hanging out with friends. I hang out with my friends and they yell at me for always been so goddamn busy, going home and pussying out because Im sick, and being upset that everyone is yelling at me (its just a joke you know blah blah blah).

I think Im gonna disappear for a while or something. I have a lot of comics to read, and some video games to play, and lots of homework and shit to do. I think that no matter what I want to do at the end of the day I should just come home and get better until Im fully healthy and strong again. I'm so stressed I constantly feel on the verge of nausea...so kids, leave me a message and Ill get back to you when I exist again.

Yo.


I bought a mixer. Finally. I bought a behringer VMX300 3 channel mixer. Im excited about it. YAY! Now I can finally get this whole business started. If only I could track down my fucking MC. Cory is impossible to find over 60% of the time that he exists and its really getting on my nerves. So much so that I feel like I should just stop trying to find him all together and then never see him again because Im pretty sure he will never call me. Its labor day today I think, and that means that a lot of shit isnt open. But luckily I dont have work which is ill. Tomorrow I start my calc class and then I have to go back to alcohol class on wednesday. WHACK! I think people gave up on calling me or something. Cause I used to get a lot of calls all the time and people would always have to deal with me already having plans or me being at work but now that I have neither no one is calling me. ::shrug:: oh well I can putz around on the interweb and go and buy new skate shoes.

I am really starting to feel productive. I have a car, I am learning how to drive. I have a mixer and I've been writing music all the time. I am going to get a new skate here soon in like a week or so and then Ill prolly get surgery during the winter so I can skate again in the spring because my ankle just will not allow that shit which I think Ive stated on this journal before. Im almost caught up on the comics that Ive been reading which is really awesome because I never ever thought that would happen. So really the only issues in my life right now are the heinous amounts of bullshit I have to deal with on regular basis due to people like Jessie and Cory and various other parties that cause problems of their own and then drag me into them somehow. Without me knowing. (?) Anyway, thought Id give you cats an update. I love you all and maybe you should call me sometime and we can arrange a chillin session of doom. I need to beat kingdom hearts 2 though. damn I still do have a lot of shit to do. Anyway, peace!w

Ko needs to help me with this stupid posting to girl gamers and stuff.I dont know how to do it....anyway....


I need vinyl. I need vinyl from turntablism. I need to get records from a bunch of places and I was wondering if anyone knew if FF or other popular games would have their soundtracks on vinyl and if so where the fuck would I find them? Also, do they put movie audio on vinyl sometimes? I am kinda a n00b at all this but I was just wondering if any of my friends on this bitch had a clue. Hit me back my lovely homies...


-Yunie

Hello all, its been a while since I written in this bitch. I am currently trying to pass the time at work and I am doing that by writing in this godforsaken journal. Things are allright. I am heinously busy all of the time. I am working 40 hours a week. I have a million and a half friends who are constantly calling me and yelling about not being able to see me. I am always about to go to a show somewhere. I have a lot of money but I am spending copious amounts of it on comics, video games and turntablism. I am learning how to spin on the tables and with poi, fire poi is soon to come. I am sick. I am going through a bunch of random drama with Cory. Not with him but surrounding him. Also I am trying to help a bunch of people get their lives together which is strenous in and of itself. I want to see my friends from school but I always have a million other parties and shit to go to and do. Hopefully...things will pan out here in a bit and I can relax but its doubtful. Soon Timewarp is moving, quite possibly the same week that my calculus class starts which is just a load of shit in my opinion but the universe loves to crap all over my day. So yeah, kids I love you I miss you I hope I get to hang out with people before they move away to college. If not, remember I still think about you.

I LOVE SPIDER-MAN


I thought I should tell you guys.
Were getting married.
Hes running away with me.
Mary Jane can suck a wang.


P.S. Everyone should listen to weird als Jurassic Park song. Its so fucking funny. I almost pee my panties everytime I hear it. Irate velociraptors haha

I just read a whole bunch of my old entries on this bitch, why does it seem like I am never happy? Maybe because I only write when I am sad or shit is fucked up but honestly for as long as I can remember things have been fucked up in my life with the group of people that I hang out with. The only time that I felt ok in the past 2 years was when I was dating Alex (not necessarily because I was but it was the same time regardless)...so from last february to october. Since then, I dont remember a single day that I havent cried or been upset about something. thats so lame. I really am a happy person. I just over react and things end up getting blown way out of proportion. Everything I say that has any consequence seems to be miscontrude even to my closest friends and allies. And usually the whole reason for shit going wrong is just some stupid bullshit that everyone could honestly do without.

I am sick right now and Im just at my house in Chofu, reading the Illuminatus Triology fucks you up man, its like thinking at a level deep enough to understand that book just hurts after a certain amount of time. 600 pages in and Im used to getting my mind blown.

Nothing is wrong right now. Not really. I dont long for anything in particular, just home. I do want to come back, like... its not tainted anymore. Why should one stupid cunt ruin everything for me in the place where I grew up and made all my favorite memories? That WOULD be dumb. I have people like Rika, and Cory and Bryce and Sarah and Hans and Niki and Jordan and my family and Alex H. and and and the list goes on and on. I reaize more and more all the time how lucky I am to have the people in my life that I do. And now after being in Japan for three months, I have a good 25 more people to add to my list of homies. I now have friends In Bangkok and Hong Kong in Tokyo in Paris in Stockholm in Istanbul in Munich. Some of my best friends now come from this place. Like John, hes so fucking chill and he would totally love boulder. Or Nung from fucking Thailand who had an indepth conversation with me about weedsmoking in Thailand. Ganja is apparently a Thai word.

I really do miss Boulder, and I cant wait to come home. But I love Japan and I love Tokyo. It is here that I have truly been able to heal and grow out of all that shit to which I blame my depression and angst. And for the first time in my whole life I am truly proud of who I am and what I have done. and its cheesy and stupid and everything, but having never felt that before its a great feeling. Not many 17 year olds can say that they have done and accomplished..and gone through for that matter what I have and Im really proud of that. I made it kids. Or at least, I am making it. For now.

LOS ANGELES--Square Enix showed off what it called a "Compilation of Final Fantasy VII," which is a collection of products set in the Final Fantasy VII universe. One of the titles shown was Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, a spin-off for the PlayStation Portable that focuses on the role Soldier and Sephiroth played in Project Genesis--specifically the character of Zack. Square Enix showed a lengthy trailer for the game, and we're bringing you the details.

Crisis Core is a prequel to Final Fantasy VII that tells the story of Zack, a young recruit working for Soldier, the elite private military of the Shinra Corporation. Zack is eager to prove himself and achieve first rank in the organization. However, an older character who seems to be somewhat of a mentor to Zack tries to temper the young fighter's eagerness.

The trailer showed lots of heated discussions between Zack and this other character, and eventually Sephiroth came into the picture. Sephiroth is a legendary soldier, and Zack vows to be even stronger. Eventually Zack and Sephiroth meet and Project Genesis is mentioned, and it seems to be a point of contention within the organization.

Very little actual gameplay was shown in the trailer, but from what we did see, it seems that the game is very action-oriented. The combat sequences are fast, and we saw several moments where Zack jumped from one enemy to another, slashing with his sword as well as using a gun.

There was no sign of Cloud in the game, but Sephiroth made several appearances. Most notable was the sequence that closed the trailer, which showed Zack and Sephiroth battling with swords. The two clashed blades and Zack vowed to defeat Sephiroth, but of course Sephiroth would have none of that, and he effortlessly flung the young soldier aside.

Crisis Core is still currently in development, but both the rendered cinematics and the in-game footage look sharp. The world is dark and sterile, much like the headquarters of the Shinra corporation in Midgar in the original Final Fantasy VII. We'll bring you more details as soon as they become available, but for now, be sure to take a look at our gamespace for some brand-new screenshots of the game.


Damn son, FFVII is no longer just a game...its a universe.

Hey All...Im in Japan. And Im 17...almost. this place is amazing and huge and scary and I have a cellphone now! And I am happy and I miss you and love you and I hug everyone. I am really lonely though. So make me less lonely and email me you bitches!

Well to everyone who reads this. I'm not having a party on saturday prolly cause I don't have any money to throw one. I guess this is peace

1)Rain!
2)That first sip of beer
3)Seeing the one you love (well...)
4)Beating Metal Gear Solid on Hard...then trying it on Extreme
5)Wednesdays...new comic book day
6)Singing Heeding the Call with all my homies
7)Skanking at Ska concerts
8)The end of Cowboy Bebop
9)Fresh pack of Cigs
10)Forgetting why I'm sad all the time long enough to laugh uncontrollably on the floor at family guy

YOU! Alex H., Ko face, Kirachan, Chris and Collin if they read this!

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is high. You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person. And in return, you expect the same from who you love. Any sign of straying, and you'll end things. Experience Level: Your experience level is medium. You probably have had a couple significant loves. And you may have even had your heart broken. But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people. Dominance: Your dominance is medium. You tend to be the one with more power. You aren't a total control freak in relationships.. But of course you don't mind getting you way! Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is medium. In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time." You usually find it easy to be part of a couple. But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

I don't know. The way I feel about relationships changes on a daily basis. Currently. I hate them. They are ridiculous and painful and no one in my life even me perhaps is ready for the kind of relationship I want...thus the dillemma. Still interesting. I don't think I am dominant, I guess I tend to start fights; but only because my feelings get hurt not because I'm angry. I try to love unconditionally. I hope I am not overbearing but I think I ask too much because that seems to be what I've heard most lately...I get upset too easily and that causes even more problems. Gah. I cant help but feel like I suck at relationships because of what has happened between me and Alex. My most important relationship was also the one I fucked up most? I dunno how to start forgiving myself for what happened cause I feel like its my fault. Why should I forgive me for losing the thing I cared for most? BAH. Why is everything so complicated?! Happy Valentine's day...

Hey all I graduate highschool today! I'm so excited. Call me 303 579 4387.

Well, I'm going through the worst depression I have ever gone through in my whole life. That which I trusted and believed in crumbled into dusk in a few weeks, days, seconds. I hope I just die honestly. Please don't be angry with me if I get hit by a car because I "wasn't looking". Maybe I'm over reacting...but my life seems pretty shitty to me. 73,000 people are dead in pakistan by the way, think about that one. 73000. So much bad is happening. So much suffering. Right now how many people are suffering for no reason? ::sigh:: Ah well. It'll all be over soon. In a few decades. I'm looking forward to it.

I just wanted to let people know why I'm not around, why I don't answer your calls or say hi to you anymore. It's because I'm in my mind all the time...I probably don't even see you waving at me. So yes, I am a shitty human being for not supporting my friends and being nice and happy like I used to be. Sorry is all I can offer. Goodbye all. I don't have time for a social life anymore. I just can't deal with anything at the moment.